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After crapping all night and taking Imodium...
On this 4/20, let smoking pot be something you do not who you are.
Honey that's why you need to get grades. Otherwise you'll end up like that man over there.
She’s happier than ever, but I almost wish the lie didn’t work so well.
I just don't think the bill would be worth it
I mean sometimes there's good stuff there.
Saw this, today.
There's a fine line.
Just use your finger
As opposed to when you tune and the song is ending
I don't like change
Just realized that I'm a foul bachelor
I don't know what went through my head, I guess I wasn't awake yet.
Some of us don't enjoy being criminals.
I think some of those guys who voted "yes", are just hoping to see bare breastfeeding titties...
Hurts but she’s extremely toxic and I’m glad to finally be rid of her.
So they decided to allow babies on the floor in the US Senate...
Whenever I go on vacation to the beach and get to relax.
Colleague told me he was going out to lunch today. He came back with a store-bought sandwich an hour later
I think this is lost on many people...
My friend's boyfriend is out of town for the weekend...
Happy Autism Awareness Month!
When You're sitting in Your bunker and see r/trees leaking into default subs.
How to promote unfailing loyalty from your employees
Cleaning toilets since ‘90
He always complains they don't have Pink Floyd
7 Years!
Money management sucks! but....
This heart attack moment...
We havent heard from her in years, she's constantly in jail, won't talk to her kids, and just uses my retired father for money.
Awkward Freudian slip I had once
"Saw this today" FTFY
Blind in one eye and the dr found another tumour in my brain.
She isn’t abusive or anything, she’s just unbearable
After seeing Trump say that he did not fire James Comey because of the Russia investigation on Twitter this morning
Don't sleep on the new Sleep
Starbucks racial-bias training in a nutshell
I would still do the right thing and pay my taxes of course
What to do, what to do?
Good hardworking bosses can be hard to find
305 GroggyOtter I know someone already said it, but seriously, put the snow back. The energy expended < the gratification of watching them shovel it out. Bonus: Pack that shit HARD and, if you can find time, pour some water around the car so it'll ice up a bit.
649 vspazv I would have put the snow back.
206 Tumbleweed48 At work in northern Canada, living in a motel, with temperatures around -40 in February. I came out at 0500 to find that someone had unplugged my vehicle and used my (very distinctive) cord to plug in their own. I managed to barely get my vehicle started and while listening to my power steering pump moan and my valve lifters rattle, I retrieved my cord and took a long and very relieving morning piss on their door handles and side windows.
333 terrainrunner If someone watched me shovel a spot, then parked in it, I’d let them also watch me let all the air out of their tires. Edit: I try to tell myself if everyone believed in the philosophy “an eye for an eye” there would be no humans left on earth. But sometimes I get angry.
895 ddpotanks Next bear post: "Upstairs neighbor is always stomping around so I steal his spot when it snows"
76 DongleNocker I suggest you discover how awesome it is to listen to bagpipes every morning.
66 MaximumHaengSyo When I read “elephant impression” the first thing I thought of was their loud call, not their footsteps. I was imagining OP practicing the call of a bull elephant, and it made me chuckle.
81 theyork2000 I once finished cleared my car and went back inside to come out and find that the person parked next to me cleared the snow from their car by dumping it onto mine. Don't miss living in apartment complexes.
212 thehumble_1 Michigan me: that's really passive aggressive, they should have shoveled a spot for you after you talk to them about the misunderstanding after bringing over a craft brew to share. Philly me: you idiot, you left a spot without a trash can marking it? You deserve to get it taken, moron.
67 karlsmission Get wooden Dutch klompen. Surprisingly comfortable, and make a great house slipper.
31 sunshine8129 I had someone steal my spot, forcing me to shovel a new spot. So I shoveled the spot next to theirs. And I'm put the snow up against their driver side door. Petty? Probably. Satisfying? Definitely.
90 404_UserNotFound You need to up your game!! May the force be with you...
54 Elevenst Elephants actually walk quite gently. *Really* quiet too, no bullshit.
41 mustdashgaming We had a game like this. My friends as I used to LAN Age of Kings in 2008 and watch tv. Nothing too crazy. We would get noise complaints every other night. One night the officer shows up, I answer the door and he tells me here had been standing there for 15 minutes and hadn't heard anything. He said they'd no longer be responding to his noise complaints. We would then "trip" or "move things around." We called it fuck the neighbors.
51 boxsterguy I'm pretty sure swooping a scooped spot in a snow state is an acceptable defense for murder. "You're charged with murdering your downstairs neighbor, chopping them up, and feeding them to pigeons. How do you plead?" "Not Guilty, your honor. They swooped the parking spot I scooped." "Case dismissed with prejudice. Someone get this guy a beer."