Score
Title
638
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13247
The worst part about it is I know I'm underpaid
178
Always look on the bright side of life
138
Trump right now
21316
Tide Pods
427
Because of her drug addled antics it took us 3 years to get a court date and then she pulls this crap
7431
As someone who was married before Tinder was a thing, I just pretend I understand when someone makes a swipe joke.
155
It took 8 long years of hard work and struggle but it looks like its about to finally pay off
1473
Government just shut down, how is this a thing?
36
Hey it's worked this far.
58
“We’re so happy you visit us more these days!”
59
We don't get paid until the 1st anyway.
88
My Brother-in-law got a full time job with national guard on Friday...
1521
Parenting milestone achieved!
2988
First vacation in 5 years...
30
If anyone in my life knew, I wouldn't hear the end of it.
119
Third world kid doesn't buy it
37
It seems as if you follow the rules of the road, people think that you are the bad driver.
18
At least I impressed someone at the interview
85
And not in may
58
But Thats None Of My Business
49
Your move scoundrels
1697
My “former” employer ladies and gentleman.
1324
It was her Christmas gift. Hotel isn't even refundable...
21158
My reaction to social media this week.
187
Oh god why
57
I guess I'm officially "not with it" now
4035
Good Guy Shepard Smith
17
I had a discussion about the memes that joke #metoo actually reads ‘poundmetoo’. The discussion quickly went downhill, as they often do with morons, and I just want to leave a summary here.
4938
I kind of look forward to the abuse now
7
I'm not the only one right?
12
I cut this panel meme down to be able to share the pun magic with you all.
12
To be honest... I couldn’t remember either.
7
Step right in
11
When you get furloughed because of the shutdown, but bills still gotta be paid
16
Looks like America has spoken, GOP. This government shutdown is on you.
15
With tax season around the corner
62
Dean's List (no Degree), Ex Priest/Elder (Atheist), Veteran (Honorable Discharge right after Job Training)
23
And they wonder why I call them borderline hoarders...
10
So I'm studying for a Marketing exam and...
11
Highway tip - works in any lane!
74 kittenkaboodle17 Better than “you’re problem” at least...
20 Modern_Robot "Are you fucking sorry!?"
17 tech_b90 While working at Subway years ago, I would either say "Take it easy" or "Have a good one". One time mixed them up and said "You have it easy". They didn't find it funny.
3 professor_doom When I was leaving work, I mixed up, ‘see you soon’ and ‘see you in a bit’ and accidentally told my (female) boss: “see you shit!”
3 Thelastpancake I actually had someone correct me the other day after I said “no problem” when they thanked me for holding a door. Elderly woman said “it’s polite to say ‘you’re welcome’, why would it be a problem holding a door?” I didn’t have a response.
4 memeasaurus The German phrase is: Nichts zu danken! Which makes a lot more sense than the English phrase "don't mention it" ... The German is over literally like "not" and "you" and "thanks" English is weird.
2 theathenian11 My friend’s brother pushed me off a dock once as a joke. After surfacing i went to yell “what’s wrong with you” but then switched to “what’s your problem” and they combined so I accidentally yelled “what’s wrong with your problem”
2 boop66 Take luck!
2 SirLenzalot I hope the person wasn’t a minority and spoke little English. It’s like saying “take your shit and then get out of the country”.
1 foxmom I do this all the time. I start to say one thing and change my mind in the middle. My husband finds it hilarious. ... It is kind of funny.
1 vcheck No welcome, only Zuul!
1 mrlady06 are you fucking sorry?
1 linotype Pro tip: act like you said the right thing, and they’ll just think they misheard you. Easy peasy.
1 jinphnx I had a terrible word vomit experience once when I was working as a cashier. I’d just finished ringing someone up and got caught between either saying “have a good day” or “bye bye”. Ended up saying “go die” as they left. I just stood there quietly as they walked away and hoped to god they didn’t hear me.
1 tanukisuit I've switched things up by saying "my pleasure" on occasion after reading something on Reddit about how people respond well to this.