Score
Title
635
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6238
Hurts but she’s extremely toxic and I’m glad to finally be rid of her.
10607
After crapping all night and taking Imodium...
3078
Saw this, today.
800
Small victories :)
2159
I just don't think the bill would be worth it
408
Never had a boss like this before.
514
After being an asshole to my family and friends for years I realized this
547
I mean sometimes there's good stuff there.
21411
Honey that's why you need to get grades. Otherwise you'll end up like that man over there.
291
My friend's boyfriend is out of town for the weekend...
150
Non Marijuana Affiliated Corporations Trying to Promote Their Products on 4/20
315
Just use your finger
33118
She’s happier than ever, but I almost wish the lie didn’t work so well.
259
As opposed to when you tune and the song is ending
104
Positive Possum
55
Do I work with savages?
204
Happy Autism Awareness Month!
57
Classic Grandma :(
49
Can't wait to start being the positive change the kids need in their lives
79
420 Patrol
60
I AM DENSE!
21
They're just so cute.
25
What goes around...
114
I don't like change
6675
There's a fine line.
38
I didn't even know this was physically possible...
66
This heart attack moment...
51
Literally everybody else had requested the day off for some weird reason.
19
I usually do my water bottle first
12
All around me are familiar faces
8
4/21
54
Whenever I go on vacation to the beach and get to relax.
23
Today of all days...
35
I normally only give her one treat anyway....
93
Just realized that I'm a foul bachelor
19
My boyfriend isn't taking classes this term because of an internship
10
My manager sets greats examples
38
Money management sucks! but....
13
Is it REALLY "literally"?!
46
When You're sitting in Your bunker and see r/trees leaking into default subs.
76 kittenkaboodle17 Better than “you’re problem” at least...
20 Modern_Robot "Are you fucking sorry!?"
18 tech_b90 While working at Subway years ago, I would either say "Take it easy" or "Have a good one". One time mixed them up and said "You have it easy". They didn't find it funny.
3 professor_doom When I was leaving work, I mixed up, ‘see you soon’ and ‘see you in a bit’ and accidentally told my (female) boss: “see you shit!”
3 Thelastpancake I actually had someone correct me the other day after I said “no problem” when they thanked me for holding a door. Elderly woman said “it’s polite to say ‘you’re welcome’, why would it be a problem holding a door?” I didn’t have a response.
5 memeasaurus The German phrase is: Nichts zu danken! Which makes a lot more sense than the English phrase "don't mention it" ... The German is over literally like "not" and "you" and "thanks" English is weird.
2 theathenian11 My friend’s brother pushed me off a dock once as a joke. After surfacing i went to yell “what’s wrong with you” but then switched to “what’s your problem” and they combined so I accidentally yelled “what’s wrong with your problem”
3 boop66 Take luck!
2 SirLenzalot I hope the person wasn’t a minority and spoke little English. It’s like saying “take your shit and then get out of the country”.
1 foxmom I do this all the time. I start to say one thing and change my mind in the middle. My husband finds it hilarious. ... It is kind of funny.
1 vcheck No welcome, only Zuul!
1 mrlady06 are you fucking sorry?
1 linotype Pro tip: act like you said the right thing, and they’ll just think they misheard you. Easy peasy.
1 jinphnx I had a terrible word vomit experience once when I was working as a cashier. I’d just finished ringing someone up and got caught between either saying “have a good day” or “bye bye”. Ended up saying “go die” as they left. I just stood there quietly as they walked away and hoped to god they didn’t hear me.
1 tanukisuit I've switched things up by saying "my pleasure" on occasion after reading something on Reddit about how people respond well to this.