I met up with a girl I'd met on OKcupid, we had planned to go to this little coffee shop. I get there about 15 minutes early and find that the place is closed inexplicably. I then return to my car to find out I had locked my keys AND phone in my car.
So I had no choice but to just sit and wait for her to show up so I could explain to her that the place is closed AND ask her to help me get my keys out of my car.
Went on a date with a guy I'd met through a mutual friend. Things seemed pretty normal until we were sitting and waiting for the movie to start. He got his phone out and started showing me pictures of two of his ex-girlfriends. Both women were completely naked.
I had a casual first date with a guy at my apartment. We watched a movie that he had seen before and frank a bottle of wine and chatted. Toward the end of the movie there's a little blood (suicide attempt) and the guy walked into my kitchen, pretended to get a glass of water, and dropped to the ground and started seizing. It was terrifying.
I ran over and kept saying his name and after a few seconds I was about to call 911, when he woke up, realized what happened and just said "damn it..."
Apparently the sight of blood really gets to him and this was not the first time this had happened.
TLDR: date started with wine and talking, ended with him seizing on my kitchen floor.
***MAGGOTS!*** While partying in a club in LA during Halloween (early 90's) I meet a chick that is dressed like cat woman. Skin tight, smokin hot. I buy her a drink and she pours her heart out to me. At the end of the night (LA has a ,or had, 2AM cut off) I suggest we go to my place. She would rather I go to hers. We arrive and the stench is unbearable. She claims her cat food went bad and she opens a few windows and lights a shit load of candles. I'm too drunk to care and too horny to walk away. After I peel off the cat woman facade we did the nasty a couple of times until we both pass out.
In the morning I came to the sad realization that I just dicked a twenty year old version of the crazy cat lady. The smell was still unbearable and the erection and alcohol wore off. I decide that I need a glass of water since I am parched. Head to the sink in the kitchen and lo and behold the source of the stench. MAGGOTS everywhere from a dead cat under the sink and cat feces too.
Taught me a valuable lesson. No matter how hot she is, mental illness can always be lurking in the darkness. Got dressed, got out, never looked back.
I went out with a guy that I had met on Tinder. The entire time, we argued. Either he didn't agree with me, or I didn't agree with him, on ANYTHING. Normally, I don't argue with someone just because I don't agree with them, but this guy was so arrogant. After leaving the bar, he somehow thought it would be a good idea to ask me to come up to his place. Saying "no",was the last time I spoke to him. RIP Tinder app
A cute-ish guy approached me at a foreign film screening at my university in Arizona and asked me out in French, which was the language of the film. I spoke college level French, so I accepted the offer of a date. I mean, he was kind of cute. When he picked me up that Friday night, he greeted me with "Guten tag!" Okay, cute, a reference to the foreign film screening, right? Nope. From that moment on he spoke nothing but clumsy German all night long. He took me to Blockbuster (I'm old) and we rented a German film. He spoke German to the cashier. He spoke German through dinner. He spoke German while watching the film. He tried to get to first base in German. And yes, this whole time I was telling him repeatedly that I don't speak German, I can't understand him, etc. He just responded in German. But the weirdest moment was when his roommate came home as I was awkwardly leaving (my date was trying to convince me to stay, in German) and my date interrupted our "conversation" to say in a perfectly normal Arizona accent, "Hey man, what's up?" And then turned beck to me and continued to speak German. Oooooookaaaay.
I took him to a baseball game, where he proceeded to pronounce loudly to anyone and everyone around us that we were an "item". He pulled out a very large bag of peanuts with the shells and started eating them...with the shells still on. He had pieces of shell all over his face while he kept asking my friends if they wanted any, occasionally spitting up nut particles on them much to their horror and my extreme embarrassment.
He then tried getting into a full on fight with me about a hypothetical situation where we would be caught on the kiss cam. "I'm just saying, if we're on it we gotta go HARD!!" And I was just sitting there cringing and grinding my teeth into oblivion.
He drank so much that he never really even saw the game (had to keep getting up to go to the stadium bar) and he kept asking for my ID so he could double fist his 10$ coors lights. He probably spent 100$ on coors in the first few hours. Not sure why I kept letting him use my ID, maybe it was just shock.
He chugged 2 beers on our way out and kept refusing to let me walk on a certain side of the sidewalk because "a man walks on this side, it's his duty to a lady". Wtf. He started insulting women as we were walking past to get to my car. I was ready to punch him in the mouth but he was 6'7" and I just wanted to take him home and forget the night ever happened.
He drunkenly started insulting my driving while we were in post-game traffic and kept trying to open the door to get out and drive instead of me. He insults my career, tells me I couldn't possibly keep up with the "manly" job I have, but *dont worry babe it's not because you're not great, it's just that it's too hard for you is all I'm saying*.
I finally pull up to his house and I'm white knuckling it to the point where my hands are nearly numb. I tell him to get out and he asks me to come in. I say absolutely not and he lunged at me to kiss me. He like...sort of....licks? My face? And I literally shoved him out of my car onto the street and sped off.
The next day he texts me, "hey had a great time! Would love to see you again!" I said "your behavior was ridiculous, please never contact me again." And he responds, "cool, well if you ever want to get a beer let me know! 😍"
Hard pass. *Hard. Pass.*
Edit-- **TL;DR: guy spits peanuts on my friends, gets drunk, insults me all night, licks my face.**
I was talking to a guy online and we finally agreed to meet for a date.
I get there and there is a woman sitting with him.
It turns out that it was his wife and they were looking for a "third".
He never mentioned that during our chats and then called me a cunt for saying that I didn't want get involved.
I have two! I lack experience in bailing bad dates so I just went through them like a sucker:
First one is pretty simple, we were going to watch a play together at her high school, she brought another guy with her. He bought a ticket at the door and had his hand on her lap the whole time. I was gonna talk to her about it but she sent me home first. I guess that doesn't really count as a date, at least not for me.
The second worst-first-date was from Plenty of Fish. We met at a Tim Horton's, chatted a while, it was really cool. She brought me back to her place, and it really stunk. Girls usually apologize in advance because they have a messy place. At worst it's just clothes on the ground, but this was actually awful.
She asked me to pick a movie to watch together and pointed at her DVDs above the kitchen cabinets. I have no idea why she stored them there, she's shorter than I am and I had to step on the counter to reach. I don't remember what we watched, because she was on POF on her phone messaging someone(s) the whole time.
Oh yeah and she had more DVDs in her drawer, I opened it and saw movies, as well as dildos and handcuffs. (Before anyone says anything, she clarified she doesn't do anything on the first date.)
I ordered us food, paid for it and left after eating.
It probably wasn't the worst any had, but it just didn't make sense.
First date with this guy, he says we should meet at a nearby coffee shop. I arrive and introduce myself, and hop into line to get coffee. He looks upset, so I ask him what's up. He says he hates coffee.
Umm... Ok. We can get something else on the menu. But he also didn't bring any cash, because his last few dates made him pay. And he'd rather just do something that didn't require money. Then why did we meet at a shop...
Anyhow. I start brainstorming stuff we can do that require no cash. He's shooting down all the options I gave (local zoo, art gallery, etc.) because they involve driving more than 4 blocks away. So there's a lake nearby, let's just do a lap around that.
We walk, and the guy is giving me NOTHING. Every question is met with a short, closed answer.
Where did you go to college and what did you study? - Wisconsin. Biochemistry.
Oh! Tell me about that! Biochemistry sounds really cool, and I love the campus at UW. - It was ok.
Cool story bro. Anyways, so we make it back to where we started and I'm like, "Ok man, you seem really not into me, so how about we part ways" but in nicer terms. The guy FLIPS.
"You said you were free between 1pm and 3 pm! That means we still have an hour! You said you were free! So we are hanging out until 3!!!"
Alright dude, if you want completely one-sided conversation for an additional hour, sounds great.
Finally get to share this story!
A couple of years ago I dabbled a bit with Tinder. Met one guy who was super cute, traveled a lot, and seemed interesting. I suppose "interesting" was one word I could use to describe him.
We start the date by getting lunch and a few beers at my favorite spot in town. We were chatting away and the topic of daydreaming came up. I asked him what he daydreamed about.
His eyes then get a bit dark and his voice gets low as he says, "When I daydream, I imagine the light leaving my enemy's eyes."
By this point I was a few beers in and didn't know what to say. I respond with, "Oh...so uh, how do you do it?"
He looks away, ponders for a second and says, "Harpoon."
The rest of the date was spent with him talking to me about his extensive anger issues and how he still lives with and bangs his ex. Hell, he had just banged her before he came to meet up with me.
That was when I decided to stop using Tinder.
Not shickingly bad, just a little weird. She showed up with her overprotective older sister. Most of the conversation was with her older sister. When I asked questions, in 80% of cases sher sister was the one answering them.
The girl was cute, so after the awkward experience we agreed to have another date. Turns out she was so sheltered and shy, she was almost incapable of having conversation on her own.
Yeah, we grew to be good friends, but other than that, in a more romantic way, she was a very closed person.
Went on a date with a really aggressive guy. Had to call my Ukrainian (ex navy) 6'4" acquaintance to come save me. Dude threatened to call the cops on me because I left the date early (in his mind).
Fuck you Noah.
*Edited for clarity
I was so nervous I threw up on him and myself. No second date.
First time out with my now fiance, we were at a local sushi joint. I was telling a story (actively using my hands) and knocked a glass over and we both watched it slowly roll off the table and onto the floor. Then not even 5 minutes later, a little, probably 2 yr old girl is running around her family's table as kids do, stops right next to our table and vomits everywhere.
Realizing that I was the guy who'd gained too much weight since his profile pic was taken. At least her look of disappointment motivated me to lose 40lbs.
My roommate in college was kind of seeing a girl for a couple weeks and at a tailgate she was blowing my phone up wanting to meet up. I had an idea that she was interested so I talked to my roommate and asked if it was cool if I took her out. He gave me the OK and said she was cool but they just didn't work out. So that night we go out to dinner and she is super self obsessed. Went on and on about herself the whole time and talked about all the things she hates about guys. It was a nightmare. We met up with her sorority sisters at a bar after dinner and I ended up talking to her roommate the whole night and kind of joking about how bad the date went. Ended up dating the roommate for 2 years after we met that night. So a horrible date turned into a great relationship, so best of both worlds in one night. But damn that girl was the worst.
I don't know if this counts. It was just a weird situation. Senior year of High School, I decided that I'm not going to Homecoming. I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not interested in anyone. I have no interest in going just to go. My homecoming comes and goes. A good friend from another school asks me to homecoming. I tell her no. I'm not interested. She begs, says she's a senior and no one has ever taken her to a dance. She goes to a Catholic School that is 75% female. She spent all last year living in a different state at a strange school and taking care of her Grandmother, so this is her last chance. Some friends of hers are going. They will pick her up and bring her. We aren't going to dinner. Just the dance. Neither of us are interested in each other romantically. She's buying tickets. I reluctantly agree.
The next Friday, I put on my suit. Meet her and her friends at the dance . . . with this other guy. A guy she came with.
She's brought two dates to the dance.
Now, I am not hurt by this, only a little annoyed that I went when she clearly has another date. I dance with her some. She dances with him some. I know one of her friends fairly well, the other three not at all, but I dance with them some to be polite as they don't have dates. The other guy seems nice. I don't think her was expecting me either.
The next day I get a call from her and an apology. No explanation. I should have asked, but I was too busy assuring her my feelings weren't hurt. I guess he was a little bit more upset and wasn't talking to her.
Still have no idea what was going on. I don't think I was a extra guy brought for her friends, though it crossed my mind. Maybe the other guy asked last minute, and she actually kind of liked him, but couldn't bring herself to break our "date?"
TL;DR- Date brought two confused guys to homecoming.
It was just an awkward date with no chemistry, but when he dropped me off near my apartment he asked if I'd like to go on another date sometime.
I tried to let him down easy, but he freaked out and wouldn't accept it until I explained why I wasn't interested. Nearly an hour later I finally told him that even if I had been interested, he ruined it by being creepy. Then he let me go.
It's been 10+ years, but I'll never forget the last thing we said to each other. He asked "Will I ever see you again?" And while scurrying away, I responded "Only time will tell."
Met a girl on Tinder, arranged to go to lunch, arrived at restaurant. So far, things are going well. She is late... I messaged her "hey, you still coming to lunch?". No response. I decide to wait 15 more minutes (30 minutes total). Just sitting at a table in my university's main dining spot. I leave. That sucked but it happens. She messages me a day later "Oh, sorry I didn't feel like going." I guess it's technically not a date but damn that sucked.
Met a guy online who missed our actual first date because he had to meet with his parole officer. I gave him a second chance because everyone deserves a second chance and maybe he'd learned his lesson. First time meeting him and I casually ask him about what he'd been in jail for - and he says a drug charge. Okay...not terrible. Then he proceeds to go on and on about how he doesn't care that he went to jail, doesn't care if he goes back, etc. Yeah.............bye.......
My worst first date was also my first date ever. I was about 14 or 15. The girl I liked asked me if I wanted to go on a date, I was over the moon. She told me to meet her at the park. When I got there she was there with her friends and they all laughed at me for thinking she would ever want to date a loser like me.
EDIT 2: My most upvoted comment is about something really embarrassing. Figures.
EDIT: Unrelated bonus story for extra tragedy!
So when I was about 11 or 12, me and two friends tried to all 3 of us ride my bicycle at the same time. We rolled forward about 2 or 3 feet before the bike fell sideways, I ended up face first on the road with both friends falling on top of me. Face got pretty badly scratched up, I looked a little like Two-Face.
Fast forward a few days. My older brother's friend convinced me to style my hair like Wolverine in the first X-Men movie. I thought Wolverine was awesome, so I did.
I was walking down the street when the 2 prettiest girls of my class stopped me. One of them (the one I had a crush on) said "Que te ha pasado en la cabeza??" (What happened to your head). I tried to nonchalantly explain it was a bike accident, no big deal. She then says "I was talking about your hair" before bursting into laughter with her friend. I ran home and changed my hairstyle.
Again, heartbreaking at the time. Hilarious in retrospect. We had a heatwave that summer and I'm convinced it emanated from that burn.
I've posted about this before. I met somebody through POF and went out with her for coffee. Once we sat down, the first thing she asked me was how much money I made. I didn't discuss figures, but I said that I was doing alright.
She then regaled me with stories about her overdue bills, and how she just didn't pay them because she didn't have the money, and how her last credit card only had a $5,000 limit, and how quickly that gets used up. She just didn't seem to have a grasp on how money, interest and credit ratings work. And by her own admission, she had debts of tens of thousands of dollars.
She made it quite clear that she wanted somebody who would take care of her financially, and if things worked out, co-signing on a credit card for her might be in the future.
The whole date felt like a sales pitch, and made me feel like a wallet on legs. I declined going back to her place afterwards, and instead went home and had a shower to wash the stench of loser off of me.
And that was the last date I had before the one where I met my the woman who became my wife.
Edit: the site
I was making out with a girl on a cold evening on her unlit front porch. I just thought my runny nose was from the cold. But when we turned on the lights I realized I had a bloody nose. Her face was COVERED IN BLOOD.
There was no second date.
Went on a date with a girl I met on an online dating website, all she kept talking about was whether I thought anyone could tell we were on a date. She even made weird comments to the staff about us being on a girls night out. As we were walking from the restaurant to a bar I touched her arm lightly, and she jumped away from me as if she'd been electrocuted.
I've had a lot of terrible dates including someone picking me up with their mother and having her attend the date but the worst by far was when I was 19 I went to this guys house who had alluded that he lived alone. We were gonna go swimming then go out for lunch. I show up and it becomes apparent it's his parents house and they were currently not home... Ok kinda weird but no big deal. We're having a beer getting to know one another when out of the blue he INSISTS that he show me something in his room. I say something along the lines of nice try but I'm not gonna go into your room so you can try to put the moves on me. He continues to insist that it's actually really cool and I HAVE to see it. I'm visibly annoyed but follow him anyway. We get in there and within 3 seconds flat this guy gets completely naked while I'm just standing there dumb founded. To this day I have never seen someone undress so quickly. He's standing there like this is his grand reveal expecting me to just throw myself on him or something. I tell him I remembered I forgot to do something and need to go home and basically run back down the stairs while he's chasing me trying to get dressed and follow me outside. I book it to my car and leave hella fast. Dude then proceeds to call me every few weeks for 1.5 years leaving me creepy voicemails how he hopes I'm not hanging out with other guys and how he misses me. Worst date ever!!
TL;DR: guy invites me to his parents house for first date and ends up undressing himself in 3 seconds flat while I'm staring at him in shock fully clothed. Left immediately after and he proceeded to call me regularly for a year and a half after.