My parents bought me new shoes. They were a little tight fitting, which I thought made me run faster. Just as we parked on our driveway I jumped out of the car and started running while shouting "These shoes make me run so fast!". For some reason I decided to close my eyes while running to enjoy the feeling. When I opened them again it was already too late to dodge the wall in front of me. Had to get stitches because of that.
Shit on the floor and put a chair over it assuming it would remain hidden forever.
Babysitter moved an oddly placed chair in the middle of my bedroom and trods in a warm, steamy, human shit. Sorry Emma.
I once locked myself in the trunk of my sister's car. I don't know why.
I left a note that I backed my bags and was running away from home. I promptly setup shop in a closet. Blankets, snacks. I think I was around 5-6
My uncle used to give me an allowance for getting good grades, and by a certain age I had saved like $1000 and my dumb ass put it all in an envelope in my backpack. My mom took me to the mall and I took the backpack with me. We tried on some clothes and I ended up forgetting my backpack in the dressing room and by the time I realized it and we went back, it was gone.
I will never get over that.
My mom was cooking with a red hot chili pepper and I said I wanted to try it. She told me just to bite off the tip and no more and I promised I would.
Rebellious me seizes the day and chomps on the whole thing. I was in tears for the next 2 hours from the pain. I think my mother was in tears as well, but not because she felt sorry for me.
I sprayed the entire toilet area in school with Pink neon graffiti.
What i wrote? my first name.
spent 3 days cleaning it.
Took my dad's stamp collection and stuck the stamps all over the house, when I was around 3.
He wasn't happy.
Us kids decided we would do something nice for our dad and we sharpened his screwdrivers.
I lied about so many things to my best friend growing up. She always seemed cooler than me, so I had to one up her with really stupid lies. The worst was when she got a pet budgie, so I told her I had a pet SEAGULL. My family trapped the seagull and put a band around it's ankle, so I always could see which one was Tina from the colour of the band in the sky. The saddest part was she believed me for a good two months...and until she was old enough to go "wait a minute...", because I just said summer was over and Tina the seagull went South, and I just never mentioned her again.
We're still friends and she took my wedding to relay this story.
I was terrified of the dark. I still kind of am, but it was 100 times worse as a kid. I went to a Catholic school and our teacher told us stories about the Virgin Mary appearing to kids. I came home howling, terrified out of my wits that she would appear to me in the dark. In my head I made a deal with her that if she was planning on appearing to me, could she please do it in broad daylight preferably when I wasn't alone.
I told my mother about this fear one day and she laughed and said, "Why would she appear to *you*?"
My mom sent me to my room and said wait until your father gets home. I decided to run away rather than face that, so I escaped out the window. As I was walking down the street a few blocks away, who do I walk into to? Dad on his way home from the bus stop after a long day downtown. We walked back and talked the entire way.
We got home and I had some splainin to do as my bedroom door was locked and I had not told my dad I was in trouble. No idea what I did, but I am sure I was terrorizing a neighbor
When I was really small I pretended to be a vacuum and sucked up random crumbs and dirt off the floor.
I've told this story before, but in kindergarten I was playing tag with this other kid and he stopped suddenly. Being the clumsy child I was, I ran right into him and accidentally bit him in the head and my tooth came out. So while he was sitting there crying, I was more focused on trying to see if my tooth was still in his head or on the floor so i could get it to the tooth fairy.
My brother and I ate an earthworm when we were little. I *clearly* recall him saying "it squigles all the way down your throat" after he ate his.
My cousins and I tried to dig to China, and then I got stuck in the hole.
After an argument with my parents, I decided to run away from home. I packed a huge bag with only my favourite teddies and a Scooby Doo film on VHS and sat on my next door neighbour’s wall for 2 hours until I got hungry and went back home.
I once decided to make circles in the sand. So I took a glass bottle, turned it upside down and pressed it into the sand. It was great except it needed to be deeper. So I used a rock to bang the back of the bottle whilst I used my other hand to hold the neck of the bottle. The bottle eventually broke and made a deep cut into my thumb. The scar is extremely visible.
Also, we used to get a litre of milk in plastic bags. I decided to cut the bag open with a knife. I held the knife in a way that the tip was pointing toward my body, gripped a corner of the plastic bag, poked the knife underneath and pulled the knife upward. I used a burst of energy, the knife slide through the bag and I stabbed myself inside of my nose, luckily missing my eyes. It was April 1st so my mother thought that I was playing a prank when she saw the blood.
Oh! Once my sister and I decided to make a seesaw with a 10 meter Timber and a Barrol. We didn't use any rope so as soon as we went on it, the barrol rolled, the weight shifted to her side and I catapulted like 2 meters in the air and came falling down.
When I was little, for whatever reason, I was fixated on how hilarious sneezing was. Remember that part in Beauty and the Beast where Belle's dad sneezes in his dusty workshop? I would rewind that and watch it over and over and laugh and laugh.
Fast forward to kindergarten: somehow I find out that a girl in the first grade has a terrible pollen allergy. I pick a handful of dandelions and chase her, smashing them into her face whenever I get close enough.
The plan works! She's sneezing like crazy! This is the pinnacle of humor!
But wait: she's sneezing, but she's also crying. And wheezing. And her face is swollen and red.
This was the first time my little-kid brain grasped the idea that other people might feel differently about things than you do.
As a six-year-old I peeled a lot of lead paint chips off the carport and ate them like they were potato chips.
I always got lost. One time I hid under my parents bed, they couldn't find me for half an hour. My mom told me I once wandered to the neighbors house and played with her baby as well. The best one though is they couldn't find me because I was climbing our chimney. I let fire ants bite me because I just finished watching Spider-Man and I wanted fire powers.
The grossest shit I would do as a kid was eat sandwiches, but it was just ketchup and sliced bread.
When I was in third grade, I climbed a basketball hoop(the metal collapsible kind) to see how it felt like to dunk. It collapsed on my leg and broke it into three pieces. Got a kick ass halloween prop though. I was a skeleton with a full leg cast and crutches.
Also, when I was younger, I used to put a radio power adapter between my lips while it was plugged in. It felt funny and kept on doing it until my grandfather who was raising me at the time saw it and freaked out. Btw, the adapter lowers the voltage and all you feel is a slight buzz of sorts, no pain.