A relationship should be a partnership, not a competition. Don't cultivate contempt.
Also, sunk-costs; just because a relationship is x-years old doesn't mean it is worth keeping. Don't stay with someone who cultivates contempt.
Don't make continuous sacrifices for a person who neither appreciates or reciprocates. You'll end up burning yourself up, and they'll just get angry that you can't keep up the giving because now they feel entitled.
Listening to friends about what relationships are supposed to be like.
Sometimes your friends don’t actually want you to be happy and sometimes your friends are actually just terrible at relationships.
Maintain your friendships. Just because you got a bf/gf doesn't mean seeing your friends shouldn't be a priority anymore.
Communication. Never no matter how obvious it seems assume that the other party knows why you are upset. Talk about it. They may be upset at something you did. Explain yourself. Tell them why you did it and what your intentions were so they know it wasn't meant to hurt them.
I'm *much* slower to be convinced that the person is "good" for me. I no longer nod and smile to "I'm a great guy!". I will no longer listen to those words. I am all about actions, and seeing how they treat me. Respect is huge... I won't tolerate disrespect at all.
Also, if a guy leaves me questioning our status? I'm done with that, too. I won't be committing unless someone does the same to me and makes that intention clear.
I'm interested in a guy now but while I am interested, a part of me wants to be slow, see how he acts over time, and see if I still feel like this a few months from now. Not even going to jump into dating.
Don't date someone who thinks s/he's better than you.
I thought that compatibility was a matter of liking a bunch of the same stuff. That is a very superficial idea of what compatibility is.
Don't be in constant contact with each other you don't need to talk to one another every 5 min.
Flakiness. If the person cannot show up on time or thinks it is okay to to cancel consistently at the last minute, then they clearly do not respect your time.
I cheated on a girlfriend in 1996. Believe it or not, it was a really important event, because the guilt was so horrific I decided never to do it again
Only been in one relationship. Learned from previous crushes I had that the person you're interested in needs to be interested in you too.
At the start of my current relationship, I also learned not to be pushy with sex. It's a long story, but sex became a serious outlet for me for a lot of pent of emotions, but my partner's sex drive was much less intense than my own. Looking back I feel horrible about how much I pressured him, and how moody I got when he refused. Guess the whole attitude that men always want sex didn't help. Our sex life is much healthy now, and I learned a lot about respecting his needs, even when they don't match my own.
Do not stay in a relationship if one person is obviously more committed. You can tell them it could end and they will still expect eternity from you.
I cleaned up my entire apartment, wore a sexy dress, and put on fancy perfume in anticipation of his arrival at 7 pm. Only for him to text me at midnight that he’s not showing up. Apparently he was having dinner with his family, and apparently it takes his family six hours to have dinner.
This was the second time he stood me up, so I really should have seen it coming, but I knew him since high school, and wanted to think that the first time he did it was just a mistake, especially because we’re both on the autism spectrum and may have just miscommunicated.
What’s mind boggling is that he asked me at New Years if I was doing anything. Not sitting around in my apartment crying and feeling worthless and stupid, that’s for sure.
26 year old woman here. I didn’t start dating until I was 19 because I experienced trauma at a young age and wouldn’t let anyone come near me. I am also overweight, so that was an added insecurity.
But once I finally let myself date, I became extremely clingy with the guys who would give me attention. It was bad. Too much texting and checking my phone. Going too hard too fast, and admitting how strongly I felt and getting too emotional.
I’ve grown more secure now, but I still feel the urge to text all my feelings out and act-out in a reactionary way. But I stop myself and put the phone down to chill before I get crazy.
Now I have a boyfriend with mutual love. We can talk about our feelings and I can give him space and respect, even when I get those same urges.
When you're making out, there's no need to try and suppress your boner. Maybe she'll help you out if you just let it rage.
Not so much a mistake, more of a lesson:
“I always thought there was something romantic about fighting for someone. About winning them back. Eventual happiness.
But as I sit here with stones in my chest, where hope used to lie, I have come to realize that there is nothing lovely about having to continuously convince someone to love you.”
If it's causing you undue stress and you're loosing sleep over it, you need to break up and take time to work on yourself.
Don’t date someone you work with. Seems obvious, but in practice, it’s hard to resist someone you’re attracted to and see every day.
Of course there are exceptions where people are committed to making it work with each other long term. But for every one of those stories, there are 20 stories of it not working out and leading to a miserable working environment.
If you've been together less than a year and you consistently get into long screaming arguments, you're probably not good for each other. Just save yourself the anguish and end it.
I let my exes treat me badly because they said they loved me and I figured I was being overly sensitive.
If your partner is upsetting you, you tell them. Maybe they weren’t intending to and you can work it out, or maybe they were and you can tell them to fuck off and get out of your life because you deserve to be with someone who cares about your feelings.
If she cheats on her bf with you, she’ll cheat on you with her next bf.
It’s okay to state what you do and don’t like. The other person is dating you, not who they think you should be. Don’t change for them and don’t expect them to change for you.
This is obviously about big fundamental things and not about things like changing the way you fold your towels.