My mom signed up for "secret shopper" and was receiving like $3000 checks for Western Union which she was to deposit and then send a portion back as the process. Of course the first check bounced and she went negative on her bank account.
Before she realized it was a scam, she was asking me, "Why haven't you done this?? This is great!!" I said, "Mom, that really, really sounds like a scam, where did you sign up for this?" And she says, "Check in your spam folder in your email! You have to do it!" And she got belligerent when I told her absolutely not and that there's no way this is a valid business.
It was that week that the check bounced and she felt so stupid I didn't even have to say a word. She ended up having to borrow against her 401K to replace the lost funds.
A girl in my class thought you were supposed to measure from the "1" on the ruler, and that the zero was "only there because it looks better that way". At least I found out why all our calculations were getting messed up.
In high school social studies class junior year the teacher pulled down a map of the world. The girl next to me asked me why all the maps only show that side of the world.
I was training this woman at work, at the time I was in my late 20's she was in her mid 40's. She came in to work one day coughing and sneezing.
Me: "Are you all right? If you're not feeling well you should go home."
Her: "I'm sure it's nothing, just a little cough. Nothing like what my nephew has, he's got that nasty flu that's going around! I was at my sister's on the weekend and spent the whole time cuddling with him so he would feel better."
Me: "You have the flu. Go home."
Her: "Don't be silly! Adults can't catch the flu from kids! It's probably just allergies, I'll be fine!"
Me: "Go home right now. I don't want to get sick and I'm sure no one else here wants to be sick either!"
She went home and then called in sick for the rest of the week. When she came back she gave me her doctor's note stating that she had the flu.
During the eclipse someone I know warned everyone not to watch the eclipse online or on the television without the protective glasses.
She said she was emailing NASA to ask if it was safe first.
Some lady asked my friend about her kids ages. My friend replied, "This one is 8 and this one is 5." Then the lady proceeded to ask,"Are they twins?"
Worked in a Sony Centre, guy comes in saying his alarm clock is broken, digits don’t change. I peel off the protective sticker on the LCD screen and hand it back to him, we both agreed he was thick as shit and got on with our days.
Guy I was dating thought his car air conditioner didn't work. I noticed the snowflake button wasn't on and asked him if he used it. He said no, thought I was a genius. He also didn't know that the heating came from the heat in the engine. Again thought I was a genius. (We only dated a couple months.)
‘Wow, look at all those oranges growing in the field’
They were pumpkins.
Having lunch, about 15 years ago, on the job site. Guy on my crew leans over to me and says "Hey, can you keep a secret?"
"My wife is in touch with this bank manager in Nigeria that she met on the internet. They have all this money left over from accounts of people who died without next of kin. And they need to get rid of it, because it's a big problem for their paperwork..."
"Don't tell me you gave them your banking information Tyler..."
My boss told me “they” should really send some rain to California (when she overheard a couple of us discussing the then ten-year drought). I asked her what she meant thinking she had misheard or misunderstood our conversation.
Nope. Too much credit given.
She told us “they” could control the weather and should just send some rain clouds to California. She doubled-down when she wondered aloud why “they” even made hurricanes anymore.
My sister still believes that purchasing an airline ticket requires driving to the airport, parking the car, waiting in line at the ticket counter, and buying the ticket.
I keep telling her that since she owns a smartphone, she can shave an hour off this process
Old story, but I felt the urge to "wash the dumb off me" after listening to this...
"I believe the solution to unemployment and mad cow disease is to pay one person to follow behind one cow around with a trash bag to catch their poo."
Dental student. Extracted a tooth and went through post op instructions. One of the instructions is to not smoke because the pressure used to suck pulls out the clot.
See the same patient 2 days later with 12/10 pain. They had dry socket. When asked if they followed the directions, they said yes they didn't smoked they only Vaped.
We were learning about medieval siege tactics in my history class. One girl raises her hand and asks, “Why didn’t they just fly airplanes over and drop people in?”
Whole class erupted. I haven’t seen someone turn redder in my life
An older adult relative asked if he could use the hot water in the kitchen sink, and we all said yes. It was a double sink, and the left sink had canning supplies in it where we were making jam. He moved the faucet to the left side of the sink over the canning stuff. We were like, wait, no, not on our canning stuff, and he was like you said I could use the hot water.
He thought you only got hot water if the faucet was swung over the left side of the sink. He was in his 70s.
Oh oh oh, I just thought of another one.
Again, my brother and I are identical twins.
We were going to Las Vegas, and we stopped somewhere in a Wal-Mart, probably in Arizona (Phoenix I wanna say, but whatever).
This guy, he must've been 60 or 65 or whatever, he started insulting us because he thought we were a gay couple.
How your first assumption of two identical twins is that they're a gay couple is way beyond me.
Met a lady years ago the believed Jesus wrote the bible...
Yeah, so there's that.
My aunt looks away when the TV shows someone welding.
when people asked me "are there any movie theaters and cars in Mexico?"
“Is there really milk in the milky way?”
"It's still dead."
She was 17. She overfed a goldfish. She honestly thought if she left it alone for an hour it'd come back to life. I had to explain to some who was almost old enough to vote that death is permanent.
The other day I was zoned out of a conversation about movies and I heard the name “Will Smith” and immediately I say “Oh yeah, he plays the black guy”.
I’m never gonna live that down.
In Biology/Health class.
"If people are addicted to these drugs, why don't they just stop taking them?"
Co-worker 1: "oh a goose, I'm gonna see if I can touch it"
Co-worker 2: "I wouldn't do that if I was you Canadian Geese are mean!"
Co-worker 1: "it's not a Canadian goose this is America!"
My roommate was cooking a bag of rice, looked at me and while being totally serious and asked "hey man, 90 seconds is 3 minutes right?"
I just gave him a funny look and slowly shook my head no.