I've been both the older and the younger in this situation. I'd say the worst thing about it is just them not getting your movie/tv/song references (and you not getting theirs) because they grew up in a completely different era of pop culture.
My wife is 11 years older than me.
Pros: She’s got a nice retirement nest egg built up.
Cons: Re-runs of Murder She Wrote and Golden Girls gets old.
No in all seriousness, my wife is stable, even keeled and has her life together. Something I could not find with girls my age. Those are the biggest pros other than that I love her, she’s beautiful, she’s my best friend and I don’t hate her after spending extended periods of time together.
The one con I would say is the immaturity gap. She tends to be more mature than me sometimes, especially when it comes to money. I was already more mature than most my age which I think is key if you re going to date someone older. This gap can cause a lot of frustration on both sides.
My boyfriend is 11 years older than me. We were originally friends and I was going through some rough times. Ended up getting hospitalized and he visited me almost every day.
Since then we’ve been together, I moved in with him and things just fell into place. I got an amazing new job and am far less stressed so I’ve been in much better health.
So pros: he’s financially stable and mature when he needs to be. He has a great sense of humor and is incredibly smart. He’s very attractive to me and wants to see me happy. I provide him with amusement, he used to be very lonely. I give him massages every night and get him to eat well. He knows how to break things down into understandable chunks and he listens so we don’t argue. We go on amazing vacations.
Cons: he’s 11 years older than me and doesn’t work out so he has a lot of back and leg pain. I am worried about his weight and have been trying to get him involved in yoga.
My other relationships with older men: when I was in college, I dated a guy 10 yrs older that was a post doc. He would constantly tell me ‘he thought I was smarter than this’ and berate me on things I didn’t understand yet.
Fucking memes, man. I'm a few decades older than SO who spends hours a day reading and laughing at memes. I assume I'll die confused as to why memes are good.
It depends I think quite a bit on the younger person. My husband is 12 years older, but by the time I met him he had a well paying job and was ready to get serious.
I was very young but never a fan of dating for its own sake or playing the field (it’s ok if others are, just not my thing). Maybe I wanted to grow up too fast, but I’m happy and like ten years ahead of schedule.
We also waited like 6 years to get married so there’s that...
My husband is ten years older than me. I keep him young, and he keeps me grounded. Of course, I’m in my 40s and he is in his 50s.
I'll echo /u/creepingjennie's words: my younger fiancée helps me keep a (mostly) positive outlook on life which I otherwise probably wouldn't have; I help her not get too excited and be a little more skeptic about things in a "not all that glitters is gold" sense. I find this very healthy for both of us. One thing to note however: I'm not sure how much of that is due to the age gap or just down to me being who I am and her being who she is.
The worst thing is that you sometimes don't... *get* each other's tastes, humor etc. This used to be more prevalent when we didn't know each other that well but it still happens more often than I'd like.
It's also slightly disconcerting when she mentions the cartoons she grew up watching and I'm like "damn, you grew up with Spongebob... the first time I watched it I was in my late teens". I suppose it ceases to be an issue after a while but I always thought it was a bit unsettling.
Major con for which I’m sure many identify with, is the diminishing of my need to be successful. He has traveled he world and worked his way up the corporate ladder to now making a ton of money. Yet, when I expressed desires to complete my masters etc he played down and made me feel I would never make the amount he makes so why bother. We share a child so now when I ask about us traveling together, he makes me feel bad if i want to do so without the baby because he has already experienced that and only wants to travel as a family.
Pros- I persevered and I’m graduating with my Masters in a month. It was made easy because he works a great job and I was able to work partirme, and was a stay at home mom part time and school full time. He is older and very smart as well so he taught me stuff about taxes and finance in general and practical things I simply didn’t know.
Me(28) him (38) met when I was 24
Boyfriend was 23 years older. He died, so I definitely put that in the con column. Older men will make you a widow. Now my guy is 8 years younger and I barely notice except some of our references don't match. Not a very big deal. And hopefully he will outlive me.
My ex and I were nine and half years apart, and I should have listened to everyone who told me it wouldn’t work out. A lot of what were pros in the beginning, ended up being cons at the end.
We were together for four years, and lived together for the last year before we broke up.
We met when I was 18, started dating when I turned 19–which made him 29 when we got together.
• I felt like I had someone on my side who lived through what I was going through age wise and who could offer me guidance. This eventually turned into him not letting me learn things on my own, and he expected me to not make stupid mistakes.
• Being older, and making triple what I was, he took on the role of caretaker. He paid for dates, bought me clothes, helped me with bills, and helped me research my first car. All of this was nice at the beginning, but then it turned into more of a father/daughter relationship more than partners. He grew to resent me because of the financial situation, despite me not expecting any of it. He would offer, them get upset later on.
• The longer we were together, the less he wanted to do. When we first met, we’d go out for drinks, go roller skating, and have fun dates. By the end, he said he was too old to enjoy those things.
There’s definitely a laundry list of things which were wrong with our relationship, but that doesn’t mean every relationship with an age gap is doomed.
With that said, I do believe the cliche is true when it comes to a massive age gap: often times people will date younger because they have the emotional age of someone who is younger, and they wouldn’t be able to keep up with someone their own age.
Edit to add: he also didn’t respect the person I was growing up to be. I obviously changed a lot between the ages of 18 and 23, and I wasn’t changing in the direction he wanted me to.
I’ve never been in that situation, but my dad and my step mom are 15 years apart while my step mom is only 9 years older than me.
I remember taking a family trip to Florida when I was in 4th grade. My parents decided to go to some bars while me and my aunt stayed at the hotel and watch movies.
My step mom got her fake ID taken away that night.
They call me daddy and it's fine when I'm out in public.
I was 25 she was 36.
And pro's and con's really depend on the individual though.
Pros - She accepted that kids weren't going to happen for her.
She was in her sexual peak. As a 25 year old male...I couldn't keep up. But I tried my best! haha
I was a trophy boyfriend. She loved showing me off to her friends and let's be honest an ego boost never hurt anyone.
When things were getting more serious I realized she would be 40 before I was 30 and it really bothered me.
She started to age....quickly.... when we first started dating, people would guess her to be 25-28 years old then near the end people were guessing her to be older than her actual age.
I felt like I was further ahead than her. She was divorced but didn't take much from her ex. Which I respect. But I actually had a better job /made more money and realized that I would be supporting her if we continued.
And yes the cons make me look very superficial. And I mean I can't help how I feel, so your not wrong.