I'm not as smart as I thought I was and that's ok. It's humbling and more beneficial to know there is someone in the room who is smarter, wiser and more knowledgeable than you.
I’m not as nice as I want to be seen as
I have a hairy back that would make Chewbacca recoil. Above the shoulders I look unassuming, but since the age of 16 I've had the body of a middle-aged Greek man.
That my last breakup was necessary for me to be able to start to grow into my own person.
I've accepted that I need to change - and am currently proud of my progress thus far.
I'm never going to be the kind of person who makes friends or fits into a crowd effortlessly, I'll always be seen as a bit of an odd duck.
I’m 43 and still single, so I’ve accepted it. I have a great career and wonderful family so that will just have to be enough.
Socks make me more productive. Put socks on makes me accomplish 20x the amount of things I usually do.
I'm quiet by nature and that's OK.
I’m nobody’s number one. My parents love me, but in the eyes of employers, friends, coworkers, romantic interests, i’ll never be someone’s best friend, big crush, come through in a pinch, go to guy, sort of person.
That this dick isn't getting any bigger
Honestly, that I'm a bit boring. I like to go out for drinks, but I also like to be home by 10 so I can get a good nights sleep. I like to travel, but I like coming home to my own bed. I have hobbies I practise at home and honestly at the weekend I like just being at home, seeing nobody and doing my own stuff.
that im lazy.
sure. i could change a few things here and there, like developing a good habit or two, but at the core of things i will forever lean towards being lazy.
That I'll probably never be "the best" at anything. All things that I've undertaken so far...I do well....just never ever top of my field or even near the top.
I'm strong, but far from extremely strong, fast, but far from extremely so. Not ugly, but not amazing looking either. I'm smart, but I'm no Einstein.
Basically I've gotten to a point where I've learned to live with the fact that I'll probably never be the greatest at anything.
And I bet there's someone out there who's even better at not being the best than I am.
I'm a scaredy-cat. I'm not interested in horror films, bungee jumping or skydiving or anything like that. My fear threshold is probs 4/10 max and above that I'm out. Sometimes I can get the cajones to something (white water rafting was an out of character thing to do) but its pretty liberating when you become an adult to just accept it so that you can just say no to things you do NOT want to do and being pretty chill about it.
"Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." - John Steinbeck
This quote has helped me a lot. Everything in this life is in constant change, you are not the same person you were a few months ago. Let go of comparing. Comparing moments, comparing people. Just be you and be eager to learn, to be in constant progress. Do what sets you on fire. Be passionate. For yourself, not for anyone else.
**I'm** the best go-to guy when **I** have a problem.
I'm always bored, i get demotivated easily, none of my ideas will matter, and will live alone despite hating it in the long run.
But hey i don't have suicidal thoughts, that's something i'm proud of
I will never stop listening to this sound. I have tinnitus.
Long, cathartic post incoming.
I accepted that my illness defines me. Just yesterday, I spent an entire day just at home, stewing in my own thoughts. And I came to realize something.
I hate what my illness has done to me. I hate how I'm in this mixed state of young and old womanhood; I hate how cancer robbed me of my ability to naturally conceive children. I hate how people who know me don't really see the me they once knew, but this remnant- a shade, really- of who I used to be.
When I go to work everyday I put in the extra effort to make my hair look nice and make sure my makeup is applied carefully. Why do I go through this effort? Because I'm haunted. I don't see my own reflection in the mirror; I see this revenant that follows me everywhere. I see a young woman with an IV hooked into her PICC line, in a hospital gown, face gaunt, hair nothing more than a soft fuzz. That follows me everywhere. The worst thing about it is no one else sees it or even comprehends that it's there. It's there in every glance out the window, in the reflection of a person's eyes as they look at me and praise how I've come through this.
While I'm in remission now, I'm still sick. My bones and joints aren't as strong as they used to be. Certain foods don't taste the same or even have a taste. I'm permanently lumpy on one side where the swollen cancer-filled nodes were, now only dead scar tissue.
I look different than I used to and sometimes my previous life is just a dream I was harshly woken from. I guess the thing I miss most was having that naïve denial all human beings have about death; that you acknowledge exists, but surely it can never touch you, not at 26 or 27. But as sure as my hair is now short and my body holds the scars, it can and almost did.
My body has scars and marks of my illness that I keep concealed. I openly speak about my cancer in an effort to let the mental open wounds heal, but the scar tissue has yet to develop. Instead, I force a smile and just at least try to get through my work day on a mix of coffee and sheer force of will in knowing just about a year ago, I had started a long, arduous, and life-altering climb up a personal Mount Everest of a journey. I haven't reached the summit yet, but I can see the sun shining up there.
Edited: I just finished working 6 hours. I never expected such an overwhelmingly positive and humbling response. To those asking if I write, I've been toying with the idea of writing a book about what I've been through, even if it's just for my family to read and maybe understand what goes on in my head. I have also been toying with keeping a blog on my life, but I'm pretty bad at consistently writing and really only write when it feels profoundly strong enough to write.
Thank you, Reddit for reading a small piece of the tidal wave of thoughts that go through my head. To all of you fellow survivors and those of you fighting, know that we are all connected and I send you the utmost of good vibes. May you find your summits and see your sunny days.
I had a lot of potential and have done nothing with it.