>Troopers have charged Holly E. Malone, 43, of Simsbury, with second-degree breach of peace. State police said Tuesday that Malone could not make it to her destination or a bathroom.
Once? OK, I could believe that. Twice? Kind of a stretch to believe. Thrice? You've gotta me shitting me.
Phantom pooper, dead guy in the house in Burlington for most of a year, whats next CT?
Isn't this Florida type shit? C'mon Connecticut! Get it together!
That is literally some fine detective work.
1. Find poop. Test, determine it's human.
2. Find more poop. Decide this is likely a trend, and set up a camera.
3. Find more poop. Look at video, catch culprit.
CT is a nice place because they actually investigated and caught the phantom pooper. In Florida pooping in a neighborhood is a normal Tuesday. See what I did there?
"Second-degree breach of peace" hmm
Love the mugshot. That's a face that says "oops, I dun goofed".
We have a phantom pooper at my methadone clinic. They've been pooping in the halls like 10 feet away from the bathroom.
They don't have a camera in the halls and they can't figure out who it is. They are getting a camera though.
And honestly It wouldn't be that hard to figure out who it is. We have to check in when we get there so just look at who is always there when It happens. Most like 6 people there at a time. The staff has an outrageous turn over rate and I think none of em care enough to do anything about it.
It's werid bc my methadone clinic is a private clinic which means you have to pay or have great insurance, they don't accept state insurance. So whoever is pooping has to be able to afford 500$ a month or have a good paying full time job with good insurance.
Exactly how I pictured someone who would poop in the streets.
There used to be a Phantom Crapper at a camp my friends worked at. Late at night, when the campers and counselors were asleep, the Phantom Crapper would turn off the water supply to the targeted toilet (very few of them), deposit his trademark turd in the toilet, then flee the scene. The following morning, some poor schmuck would have to get on hands and knees to turn on the water supply with his face within mere inches of the offending crap.
She was charged with second-degree breach of peace. Otherwise known as a "number two".
Police actually tested some random shit to see if it was human and arrested some nasty ass (who looks exactly how I'd expect a phantom pooper to look) for pooping? lol
I have three possible explanations:
1) She has IBS or Crohns, requiring defecation with little notice. There are medications available for these. Repeated incidences likely rule out bouts of diarrhea and such.
2) Walking 3 miles will stimulate normal bowel movements. She may be trapped 3 miles from home with the need to poop. Good thing she brought TP with her on her hike.
3) Woman in the cul-de-sac is having an affair with her husband, and she's marking territory.
Now THAT is the expression of a phantom pooper......