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There are many options besides traditional therapy you might want to look into. A lot of therapists offer sliding-scale fees based on how much you can afford. Look for support groups that meet every week/month. There is also online therapy which is usually cheaper than traditional one-on-one, face-to-face therapy. You are doing well by just posting on and reading this subreddit. RBN has given me so much insight into my own past and my Nmom's abusive behavior, that I feel like I've already gotten through half the battle of therapy already.
In short, get professional support, do research, dig into your past and think about the how and why of each decision you made, and each place you ended up at. Your parents were the initial programmers of this awful game, but now that these cruel devs are gone, you're free to re-write the game's code so that you no longer have to be imprisoned inside the storyline they chose for you! You just have to learn the programming language first. ;)