Coming this summer
Earth is currently at the stage that leads into either Star Trek, or Mad Max.
Saudi Crown Prince Boasted That Jared Kushner Was “In His Pocket”
6 months of job hunting, by city, until I finally landed a job! [OC]
Using red dot for good.
I went to look out my apartment window to see how much it had snowed. I found this instead and it couldn’t have made my day more.
Volleyball coach congratulates his team
Fuck you, I'm bringing my sausages on this bus
Mark Zuckerberg apologizes for the Cambridge Analytica situation (2018)
This sunsets spectrum.
[Homemade] Refilling the chocolate chip cookie stash!
Getting in the opponents head
ULPT: Download the Walmart app and scan any receipts that you may find in the store/parking lot etc. If the app finds something cheaper the difference gets added to the account on the app.
Not pro life. Just pro birth.
I've peaked. I can't top this.
Hal Knows.
Keanu Reeves and Denzel Washington from “Much Ado About Nothing” (1993)
Dadding Smarter not Harder
This guy walked up to me and started dancing. Turned out to be Jeff Goldblum!
LPT: If you have the unfortunate experience of having to put a pet down, find a vet that will make a house call. Don't let your pet's last moments be somewhere they are afraid of.
My girlfriend's brother has a hard time cleaning, so she made him a nice infographic to help him out.
TIL that Keanu Reeves was initially offered Val Kilmer's role in the 1995 film Heat. He turned it down to play Hamlet in a 789 seat theatre in Manitoba.
"Return to your domicile, human!"
Monty Python is Coming to Netflix
Entropy by Cavan@GritnGlory, NYC
Solos on mobile are OP. You practically get an extra teammate.
IRL Ant-Man
I don’t bamboozle, reddit.
?? New Zealand mountainous parrot Kea
Played himself.
Background joke from Best In Show - There are five clocks behind the hotel reception desk that display times in major cities (Boston, New York, Baltimore, Miami and Philadelphia). All are in the Eastern Time Zone, so they are all set to the same time.
When a new redditor finds a subreddit to subscribe to
Getting drunk alone while my daughter is out on a date with a guy who calls himself “Vapelord”. Vape. Lord.
The ocean is not just deep, it's scarily deep
Take my parking spot that i just dug out? Fine, I'll bury your car
I asked Discover Card to lower my APR, just to see if they would, and they gave me 0% for 12 months. Doesn't hurt to ask.
I bought a camera to spy on my dog while I'm gone. I think he knows.
Ah, the good old days of 2007. When we didn't have chemtrails. Or planes.
2978 AllTheSmallWings Some one in Hawaii just confessed their love and now they have to live with it.
5662 Trussed_Up I would be really curious to know how many times you have to mess up in order to "accidentally" hit the nuke message button.
2831 Kai2709 My family is in Hawaii, I freaked the fuck out. It took way too long for them to clarify that it was a mistake. They didn't get the retraction for 25 min after the initial error.
178 [deleted] [deleted]
938 franciseight Turned out to be a frisbee that started world war three.
9717 Captain4Loko I’m in Hawaii. I woke up to an alarm on my phone saying there was an incoming ballistic missile and that it wasn’t a drill. My sister was crying and my grandma called and told me to pray. My family had no idea what to do so we closed our windows and sat in a car in our garage because it has the only concrete walls in our house. No warning sirens went off in my area. The news stations weren’t saying anything, mostly playing old sports broadcasts or music. We were waiting for updates or any information about it but didn’t hear anything. We waited about half an hour expecting the island to get hit at any moment until I read a tweet that said it was a false alarm. We don’t have many known fallout shelters and hardly anybody has basements in Hawaii. Apart from the basic instructions you can find on the internet, what should we do next time?
1666 bttc44 Sure mistakes happen, but wow.
638 SirXeus “Lol jk”
3555 Omega-Flying-Penguin My gf who is Hawaiian, had her dad call her and say that the alarm went off. He was golfing by Pearl Harbor and the sirens went off. He was going to ignore it but then he heard sirens. He thought, 'fuck, I can't ignore this.'
3430 phoenix0083 Was stuck in stand-still traffic on Kauai for 30 minutes on the way to work this morning due to an unrelated traffic accident shutting down the only road. Got the alarm, immediately u-turned into the empty lane heading the other way, and was home with my wife a minute later. That was honestly the most afraid I've ever felt in my life... Just knew that I didn't want shit to go down without being with my wife. As soon as we got the all clear, I broke down in tears from the tension releasing. Recovering in bed for an hour or so before heading into work.
2208 CheesedMyself A friend of my girlfriend posted this on her Facebook feed about the Four Seasons not allowing taxi drivers into their hotel for shelter. "Got this text from my dad (taxi driver) just now. "The Four Seasons took everyone in the ballrooms but left all the taxi drivers outside. We were not invited to the ballroom to be saved. We had to burn like crispy critters." I'm pissed. Four Seasons Resort Maui at Wailea SHAME ON YOU. Lives are LIVES. Regardless of them spending hundreds of dollars a night at your hotel or NOT. These taxi drivers bring people TO YOUR HOTEL. Now I understand this was a false alarm but WTF?! At the time they thought it was real. I will NEVER EVER recommend anyone to stay there ever again. And for those of you who haven't heard what just happened in Hawaii, basically someone mistakenly sent out a Missile launch warning for Hawaii. But later said, just kidding. False alarm. Someone is definitely getting fired."
1179 Febtober2k *Please remain in your homes, if you are not at home, find shelter immediately. Close all blinds and shades, block out all windows.* *Do not look outside.* *Do not look at the sky.* *Do not make noise.* *Your cooperation is vital to your survival. Appointed government personnel will update you shortly.*