Whose balls do I have to fondle to get my own plaque when I threw that empty bottle over my shoulder and into the proper recycling bin?
This happened to me on a NYC subway during a morning commute many years ago, except there WERE people to witness my recovery, yet no one looked up, which was somehow even more embarrassing.
It was a rainy day, and a 6 train had just pulled into the station. I swiped my card and bolted for the train just as the door closing warning bell rang. With just seconds to spare, I leaped into the car, and my leading foot landed on the slick floor of the car just as my hand grabbed the pole. Unfortunately, the floor was wet and muddy enough that my foot had no traction and I did a 360 around the pole on one slippery foot, leaving a huge arc in the dirty floor, but I never lost my handhold, so I stayed mostly upright.
I looked around for some commiseration or at least acknowledgement from the other passengers, but I got nothing. No one even looked up. This, my friends, is how you can be surrounded by 8 million people yet feel desperately lonely.
If no one saw this, then we know who made this plaque, and we know she likes to talk in the third person.
I had a near miss once.
It would occasionally get very windy where I grew up. Like tree toppling windy.
One exceptionally windy day I was getting into my moms car. I was a kid and just a bit taller than the roof of the car. I dropped my discman and bent down to pick it up. At that exact moment a gigantic tree branch broke off and slammed onto the roof of the car. Based on the trajectory of the branch and where it hit, had I not bent down it would have crushed my head or neck between the branch and the top of the door jam.
TLDR: Dropping my discman on a windy day saved my life.
Sometimes, weird shit happens when you're driving.
I was driving on an empty highway at 2 am(ish) once, and the road was slick from a small rainshower earlier that evening. There i am driving along when suddenly i hydroplaned pretty hard. I lost control for a second and spun *hard* i did a complete 540 spin and my car just shut off. There i was facing the wrong way on an empty highway. My life had flashed before my eyes, dumped all my adrenaline, and i just sat there stunned for a second. Then reality came back and it was like "well... that happened" so i turned my car back on, made a u-turn, and drove home.
It was a real moment... and noone was there. In the end... something happened... but *nothing happened.*
That was a weird feeling.