My wife, who is very wise but not a professional counsellor or psychologist by any means, puts it like this, when someone is facing a hard time, your role is to listen and understand, when someone facing a hard time asks for advice, your role is to listen, understand, and do your best to help them arrive at a solution for themselves, one FOR THEM, not just what you'd do
I'm really bad about doing this to friends and have just recently realized the value of a good listener because my friends have done it for me recently. Thanks for this.
Double bonus bad idea: enthusiastically give them advice, then get angry when they don't immediately follow it.
TBH, it's basically never the time to offer advice unless it's asked for. Most people just want to be heard and understood, and offering unsolicited advice can seem like you're suggesting they're not capable of getting to the solution themself.
It's called motivational interviewing and it's a part of a much larger way of talking with people. My take on it is is that you empower the speaker to give the information they want and in that process they may work through the problem.
The first approach is to limit yes or no questions, or a closed question. Instead using open ended questions. Instead of asking someone "where did you go to college?" You should ask "tell me about your college experience" They are more likely to talk more about it instead of simply saying "University of. . . . "
I am sure there is plenty of detail about it in the internet, I currently work for an organization that makes it the standard when talking with our members. It really has changed my approach inside and outside of work. It makes the speaker feel like they are listened to when all the approaches are used well.
Recently figured this out. Hopefully I've stopped myself before pushing a good friend away.
I'm one of these people. Asking questions helps a lot. I feel like a burden even when someone does ask so the empty nod is usually what happens.
Had this happen yesterday. My friend would keep interrupting me to give a bunch of advice. Although their effort and good intentions bring some comfort and helpful knowledge, it’s still frustrating and makes me want to quickly end the conversation.
I did this. helped that i was super uncomfortable with the subject matter.
Live in Wisconsin, a then-buddy's GF left him for some random planetside 2 fucker in Michigan. Abandoned her kids and was super hard to get in contact with. I was a 27 year old virgin whose last relationship was in high school, felt super awkward because i am like the literal last person of of group that can relate in any way.