Your situation is difficult but not impossible. Recently there have been a few organizations that protect women in Saudi. So even though you have no means to escape the country immediately, you can atleast step out of your predicament.
Since your life has been threatened, you can reach out to these organizations and the police and they can give you sanctuary.
Also keep in mind your family will not want to publicize this due to the reputation factor.
Believe it or not your biological father might be your best alternative at this point. You can reach out, and tell him what kind of things your mother has done and how she forced you to be against him and is now trying to physically hurt you. Given that he resents your mother he may be sympathetic with you. Don't try to blackmail him with anything so that he remains on your side.
Give him the impression that you are on his side. This will keep you safe until you can arrange your next move.
The best thing to do afterwards is try to arrange a trip with him to a neighboring country. Since GCC travel doesn't require passport to travel. The UAE has some progressive women protection organizations that can help you a lot for example.
Atleast from out of Saudi you will have some freedom to deal with things.
Hope you make it out ok
EDIT: If you have some close friends who know about your predicament and have a progressive family view, you could contact them and let them know your situation. Better yet if they can round some support to get you safely out of your home in the short term.
EDIT 2: Copied from u/TeshKarhann below. It's a good idea to turn off your reddit notifications so that none of your family members read this post.
EDIT 3: The emergency contact for domestic violence in KSA is 8001245005. As requested by u/TheAbsurdSanjuanino
Hey OP. I have limited legal knowledge but I will tell you what I can.
There is a jurisdictional issue here. A lot of people have suggested that you go to an embassy which might assist you, but just going to a random one might be a shot in the dark because of the mixing of law and politics. Generally, the safest bet is to go to the embassies which might have jurisdiction over your situation. That would be any other country that you have stepped foot - so the USA and Jordan.
The reason for this is that there are tense relations between countries, and unless a country can prove that they have some jurisdiction over a particular matter they usually have no grounds on which to get involved legally. Because your mom has followed you to these countries she is a primary source of your continuous threat of serious physical harm (as she has been present in Saudi as well as abroad), that will strengthen the possibility of the USA/Jordan having jurisdiction.
For the USA, you may be able to apply for asylum. I know it is a turbulent time, but the conditions are not too complex on the face of it. An "asylum applicant must establish that he or she fears persecution in their home country. Second, the applicant must prove that he or she would be persecuted on account of one of five protected grounds: race, religion, nationality, political opinion, or social group. " There are other requirements and you may have to provide evidence, but "persecution" includes threats of death and restriction of freedom. It also includes confinement and kidnapping : https://www.immigrationequality.org/get-legal-help/our-legal-resources/immigration-equality-asylum-manual/asylum-basics-elements-of-asylum-law/#.Woq-gracZp9
You may qualify for asylum in one of these countries. Your best bet is contacting an embassy as well as a NGO (non-government organization) from the UN list (linked below) - they likely know the exact steps you will have to take and whether you can qualify. If you are calling an official number (of an embassy or international NGO), ask for other verified resources and state the imminent danger that you are in. There is usually a burden to provide evidence when you are applying for anything like this, so be weary and take what you can with you. Remember to inform R, or another person you trust absolutely, of your whereabouts and update them. Someone independent of this should know where you are in case any danger or unexpected occurrence comes to pass.
If you are contacting an independent organization be cautious, especially if doing so through Facebook as there are a lot of fake ones with hidden agendas associated with criminal enforcement.
Remember that by attempting to escape you would be committing a crime, so make sure that you limit your liability as much as possible - IE feign any responsibility and make sure you tell no one that this is an attempt to flee without a guardian. Do not admit to committing any crimes or planning on doing so, feign ignorance. Give as little information as possible, ask open-ended questions and emphasize the danger and abuse. If you admit to planning on committing a crime, that is an offense in Saudi Arabia and whatever help you might have received may be denied and jurisdiction given to the domestic country because your plan would be considered a private criminal matter.
When you are deciding who to contact, think outside the box and look to contact organizations that deal with domestic violence, forced marriage, general violence protection, trafficking, etc. Here is a database of organizations in Saudi provided by the UN : http://evaw-global-database.unwomen.org/en/countries/asia/saudi-arabia
Use whatever grounds you have to to get a way in. Believe it or not you may fall under one or several of these categories.
Take any identity documents with you and proof of visitation to either of these countries (I'm assuming you would have a visa or proof of being a student, etc.), if you can get your passport make this an absolute priority. I'm afraid your passport is very important not only for travel reasons but because it has a stamp proving your visitation to these other countries.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, no one deserves this kind of abuse. I wish you good luck. I hope you are ok. You can get out of this, but you have to be committed to doing so.
These processes are lengthy and there is a lot of uncertainty, you will be at the mercy of caseworkers you don't know to handle your situation. Make plans, be thorough, document everything and admit to nothing.
Hello. I live in Saudi Arabia with my wife and son. Please contact me via inbox if you need a safe place to stay. I have a spare room that is well-furnished and all other amenities that you may need.
You can stay with us for as long as you need and until your situation improves.
I am not Saudi and neither is my wife. We will not judge you. Let me know if there is another way I can help you.
Edit: She has not contacted me yet. Still waiting. I may not even be in the same city as her which would be an additional hurdle to get over since she cannot drive or fly.
Any chance you can feint repentance and fake peace and then find an excuse to travel abroad for work or study? Once you have your travel documents, move somewhere?
First, read this article (from last year) to see how other women have escaped their guardians: http://www.latimes.com/world/middleeast/la-fg-saudi-runaways-2017-story.html
Maybe you can contact some of these people directly for advice. There are no official organisations that can help you, as it's currently illegal in Saudi Arabia to assist a woman fleeing her guardian. Human rights watch groups could give you advice; also hunt around on Twitter and Facebook for secret or closed groups that offer support. It may be that you will need to sit tight somewhere in Saudi until you have the right opportunity, but I hope you can get out very soon to a safe place.
I wish you all the very best in this, and I hope you are safe soon and find a way to get free.
When you get to a safe place, I hope you can find counseling and strong social support to help you move forward. Please keep updating here so we know you're ok. Hugs to you and your courage in breaking the cycle.
Hey OP. You and R can still legally get married. If your guardian (your father in this case) unapproves of your marriage for no valid reason, the Courts will be approved as your guardian. My friend is a lawyer in Saudi Arabia and this is a fact. Especially now, women have the backing of the government in a lot of issues. So there is hope.
Here is the link to a case where a father denied his daughters right to get married to the love of her life.
There are thousands of cases such as these that will be heard by, approved and applied by the courts.
This will however have it's repercussions. You will be disowned by your nuclear and extended family seeing that you come from a large traditional tribe. You and R might very well receive death threats, possible attempted murder by your father, siblings, cousins, uncles or distant relatives.
My advice would be
#1 contact a female (because males in Saudi Arabia are stereotypically misogynistic and sexist, also seeing that this has a tribal component too, they would most likely avoid it. So a female lawyer would be more inclined to help) lawyer to give you the details on how to proceed with making the court your guardian.
#2 discuss moving to a different city after getting married or even as a single female, to get as far away possible from your family and geographical tribe. That way I would provide you with a safe and secure environment where you can build and plan your life together outside Saudi Arabia.
#3 You can use an alias when you introduce yourself such as using your first name and grandfather's name as opposed to your father or family name. Make up a nickname too to avoid being recognised or sought after.
#4 search for a country that would accommodate you and R's profession to facilitate moving there and starting a new life.
#5 Seeking asylum as a Saudi is in no way an easy task. They trade Intel with most western countries about who applies for it. You either have to be Shia, from the LGBT community (with strong, convincing evidence) or a political figure who is anti establishment and is being targeted by the government. It's a very long, hard path to take as a Saudi. R will also lose all his benefits as a Saudi doctor.
I can't tell you what to do, I'm just giving my best advice. If your lives depend on it, of course, get the hell out even if it means swimming across the red sea. If you choose this path, leave to one of the Scandinavian countries, specifically Sweden, since it's lenient with asylum seekers and big on women's right and there is a left leaving government in place atm.
I would not recommend going to any foreign (Western) embassy inside of KSA, for they are for the most part complicit and purposefully oblivious to atrocities happening in the Kingdom. There are actual princesses trapped in their own palaces and no one can say a word. I would go as far to say as that it is a risk, because some would even report you to the authorities.
My advice for R would be to look into Canada or the US for medical residency training + immigration. Canada is looking to welcome 1 million immigrants by 2020 and Doctors, Engineers, etc are on the top of the list. And Saudi offers full scholarships to doctors to train in North America. This could very well be the gateway to escape. Australia, New Zealand are in need of doctors too. The UK is a bit complicated after Brexit, so avoid that. I'm naming countries that speak English so you don't have to spend time learning a completely different language since you need to leave ASAP. I don't know what your profession is but medical specialties are more restricted in flexibility due to board exams and evaluations, etc. Research your best option and work towards it as hard as you can.
There is currently a domestic violence hotline in place (1919) that you can call and seek advice or assistance. Maybe try that. You don't have to beaten half to death to be suffering from DV
Tell then you're being threatened. What you're going through is very unfortunate and very common. But every decision from now must be taken firmly and swiftly. Understand that the moment you take the step forward of moving on with the marriage to R or even writing a formal complaint to the police about domestic abuse, your family will come for you. And by how you are describing all of this. You are in what seems like a dangerous situation.
Your parents both have enormous mental health and social issues that are causing instability, psychological struggles and increasing anxieties in the household and in your personal life. It is toxic, dangerous and inevitably destructive. You must leave in order to heal, relax and recover. You must leave I order to save your life. I know and can relate to the type of people you are talking about. There are hundreds of thousands if not millions like them in Saudi Arabia. I'm sorry about all this, I hope I helped in any way and I hope you're safe. Don't hesitate to contact me at any time. Good luck w InshAllah matshofeen shar.
EDIT: IF you decide to leave your family, you can live in a different city away from them as an adult with the temporary financial assistance of R until you can get a job and become financially independent and stable. Then apply for courts to become your guardian to get married to R. You can reissue your national ID without your father or male guardian. You can either be accompanied by 1 female relative or 2 females who know enough about you to answer basic questions. Unfortunately, you will still need a male guardian to grant you a travel permit. And until the courts temporarily become your guardian, you will NOT be able to travel outside the Kingdom.
OP I'm so sorry you were caught up in all your parents drama. That's unfair for all of that to be put on you, let alone forcing you into a drama of your own.
I don't have any advice on *how* to escape (some others commented on foreign embassies, that might be worth looking into?)
But I did want to say, however you do it, play your cards close to your chest. Feign repentance, be the dutiful daughter/sister. Agree with whatever they say, blend into the background. On the surface, be all about whatever they want you to be. If they have any control of your internet and phone accessibility, find another way to use both of those things (maybe R can help you get a secret 2nd phone that your family *never, ever see*), so your family don't cotton on to what you're planning. I've read horrible stories of things that have happened to ladies who's families found out they were trying to escape just before they managed to get away. Don't let them know until you're already vanished, and don't give them a way to find you.
**KEEP YOURSELF SAFE OP. WE CARE ABOUT YOU**
Try to get into foreign embassies. For example, Sweden is very strong on protecting women’s rights. Or try to get in touch with international non-profit organisations, Amnesty International, Red Cross, try to make recording of threats towards you and keep them as evidence, of you can’t leave the house try to find an emergency hotline number or e-mails to people who work for those organisations.
> she wants me to get married now so she can relax and ask for a divorce finally.
So she wants you to marry someone you do not love... like she had to... to live the same miserable live she lives... what a fucked up system these arranged marriages are. If you can find true love within this system it is pure luck.
Same for your dad... if he could have chosen a wife he loved he would not have to cheat on your mother in every form possible and all the hate between your parents would never have existed. Is there no room for critics on this system in your society? How can such a destructive and bad system survive over thousands of years, even in modern times as these? I am riddled.
Sorry that you have to go through this but I read a few good suggestions in the other comments already. Hopefully you find a solution for this problem and I hope even more that you can somehow arrange it so that you don't have to break with your family about this.
I have family in Saudi that might be able to help...fucking culture. I’ve never been there and never want to and I say that as a Muslim.
Um, you said your brother is mentally ill? What is your relationship like with him? You only need one male guardian to get out of the house...I’m not sure what the religious leader over there are like, but I’m guessing they won’t be much help either. You can also try and see foreign embassy or reach out back to the school you attended here. See if you can get something set back up over here. I straight up will help you pay for this, the best I can if it comes to it.
I hate saudis culture and view on women.
This is heartbreaking, I can't offer any advice, however, this isn't a way to live, you need to get out! I'm so sorry you have to go through this