I really want to see your dog staring at the camera
Your dog isn't having a staring contest it's simply watching you knowing you're so clumsy you're going to get hurt
Yo. Roofus McDoofus is the funniest thing I've heard all day.
Balance it right once, then mark down the settings with a marker pen. Next time you need it, you'll have the stabilizer up and running in minutes
Now I can't stop thinking about a big walking Twinkie
OP never stated he blinked while falling and getting his testicles crushed. I bet he still hasn't blinked yet.
Sounds like you mastiff had a ruff day.
"And my nuts explode in a tempest of agony"
Simply brilliant sir
Not that the vacuum origin story isn't cool, but when you said his real name I thought he was named after [a Dyson sphere.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyson_sphere)