“It was white,” she said. “I didn’t get to choose and I prefer red, but it was white wine.”
From the [Babe.net](https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355
>The day after the incident, she wrote a long text to Ansari, saying: “I just want to take this moment to make you aware of [your] behavior and how uneasy it made me.” To that message, Ansari responds: “Clearly, I misread things in the moment and I’m truly sorry.”
I sharpened my pitchfork for this?!
Why does anybody's sex life need to be tried in the court of public opinion?
> “You ignored clear non-verbal cues; you kept going with advances.”
“Most of my discomfort was expressed in me pulling away and mumbling. I know that my hand stopped moving at some points,” she said. “I stopped moving my lips and turned cold.”
If she had said to his face "No" or "I don't want to do this" I would agree that some sexual misconduct had occurred, but pulling slightly away and mumbling or not kissing back is not a "clear non-verbal cue". This is a smear article through and through and I can't help but feel bad for Aziz as this trash will most likely affect his career and other social relationships.
The fact that people are calling this “coercion” makes me sick. So you felt internally pressured, but that’s it? He didn’t say he’d use it against you? He didn’t threaten you? He didn’t prevent you from leaving? God forbid he doesn’t pick up on your “nonverbal” cues
Regretting an encounter after the fact is not coercion or sexual assault.
Date ended after she ended their consensual sexual encounter. He wanted more, but didn’t sexually assault her about it.
This sounds like a lousy date, not a reason to exile someone from show business.
Sounds like "Grace" confused the character he portrays with who the actor is in reality. She didn't take note of explicit verbal clues he was giving about wanting to get laid, and then decided to blame him when she felt used. Why would you go home with someone after a "hurried dinner"? Why stay if they pull out a condom immediately and you don't want sex? There's a lot of indication that it's merely a sexual encounter for him. This sounds like she wanted a piece of celebrity and didn't get it. It is unfortunate that she felt used, but this distracts from the terrible, very real issue of date violence. As a female and a human being, it is just disrespectful to the experiences of victims
Edit: for shitty grammar
What are women really saying if we ask others to be aware that we will not always expressly say "No" when it's how we feel? We are asking them to infantalize us. To read our minds. We need to set distinct boundaries with our big girl words. "I don't want to have sex, if we can't just hang out, I'd prefer to leave". Honestly, was Aziz going to kick your ass? It is my body and well-being to defend. I am worth defending. Don't take my agency away.
This is why grouping accounts into one giant movement is so dangerous. It gives certain encounters equal standing in the eyes of the public, when in reality, they are severely different circumstances.
Stories like this give serious ammo to the opposition to the #metoo movement, because this specific case is effectively a woman trying to get revenge for an unsatisfying sexual encounter. This allows the opposition to apply these same circumstances to much more serious cases by blaming the people coming forward with REAL allegations, giving gravity to claims that the victims are just trying to "sully" the good name of their attacker.
Strongest paragraph in my opinion:
>Was Grace frozen, terrified, stuck? No. She tells us that she wanted something from Ansari and she was trying to figure out how to get it. She wanted affection, kindness, attention. Perhaps she hoped to maybe even become the famous man’s girlfriend. He wasn’t interested. What she felt afterward—rejected yet another time, by yet another man—was regret. And what she and the writer who told her story created was 3,000 words of revenge porn. The clinical detail in which the story is told is intended not to validate her account as much as it is to hurt and humiliate Ansari. Together, the two women may have destroyed Ansari’s career, which is now the punishment for every kind of male sexual misconduct, from the grotesque to the disappointing.
edit: second strongest paragraph:
>I thought it would take a little longer for the hit squad of privileged young white women to open fire on brown-skinned men. I had assumed that, on the basis of intersectionality and all that, they’d stay laser focused on college-educated white men for another few months. But we’re at warp speed now, and the revolution—in many ways so good and so important—is starting to sweep up all sorts of people into its conflagration: the monstrous, the cruel, and the simply unlucky. Apparently there is a whole country full of young women who don’t know how to call a cab, and who have spent a lot of time picking out pretty outfits for dates they hoped would be nights to remember. They’re angry and temporarily powerful and last night they destroyed a man who didn’t deserve it.